Letting [things] go

is not easy, but it’s actually achievable!

Sorin Dolha
4 min readOct 18, 2023

Once upon a time I got my first PC, an IBM compatible 386. It was my precious computer for years. Later, I’ve got my first laptop, an Acer TravelMate. It was, again, my precious computer for years. Then, I got my first MacBook, a Pro. Needless to say, that was also my precious computer for years.

Finally, I’ve got my MacBook Air, an M1 — the one I’m using right now to type these words. It was my precious computer for a couple of years, once more.

I’ve also had an entire drawer of related devices — actually there were two drawers, one more precious than the other: my Apple devices and my other devices, too.

But — spoiler alert — they are all gone now. While still in place, none of them are mine anymore! 😱

The first three computers of mine went down due to aging (occurring both to me and them, unfortunately)…

Later, the lower rated drawer with devices (and cables) got out of my heart simply because I just didn’t happen to care much about “third party” devices anymore, as suddenly I was going mostly Apple.

But then even the most important drawer — which included my iPhone too — went away as well… as I simply wanted to minimize carrying for things one step further.

(It seems I was moving towards some kind of minimalism already, embracing more and more analogical stuff in my life, too. I forced myself to only have one my tech device, and, of course, I’ve chosen the MacBook Air as main.)

But… since very recently, I’ve managed to finally “downgrade” my previously beloved MacBook Air to being a simple tool in my toolset, all right! Just as (some would argue) it should have always been the case.

She is still part of my home, of course, just not part of me anymore! But guess what: it is absolutely fine! 🙃

I don’t have any “soulmate” programming languages either, like I used to have in the past: C# is long gone, Swift has followed since I’ve found Rust, and eventually the latter has faded away too, due to… simply life. Yet I do continue to use all these tools at work, and still consider them “favorites” among others. And this is absolutely fine as well!

The text above was, apparently, very much tech-oriented, although I did correlate it with some personal feelings as well, in regard to that tech.

As you realized it already, this applies to other things, abstract or not, including all types of belongings one can have, all behaviors, and… human connections, too! 👭

Speaking about human connections, while it’s indeed difficult to not get attached to (some) people with whom you sometimes bond so strongly, these “letting go” skills are very important in such context — should I call it social minimalism? — as well.

Because, no matter what, people — even our closest connections — are all different, autonomous, and “sometimes life just slips in through an [invisible] backdoor (?)” and you must be able to redirect yourself, in order to remain… balanced. Right?

(It’s such an absurd world out there! And if a thing or another didn’t happen to me or to you until now, it doesn’t mean it won’t happen in the future!) 🤔

I must admit, I’m still learning about these things myself (I was kinda busy coding all those previous years, if you would have liked to ask that, haha), and I’m nowhere near to reaching this new “absolute nirvana” yet. But I still need to talk about these things, anyway.

Specifically, what I want to stress out here is that finding things about yourself and improving the way you act or react in certain situations is way harder than just using a programming language (any language!) to create computer applications, for example.

At least this is how it seems to be for me.

Possibly just because I was always more inclined to use my imagination than to really live, more inclined to just have fun than to actually check out my inner feelings, and so on. Or simply because of the way childhood was for me (I remember it was good, but who knows what I’m missing). Or because of the way I am internally naturally “wired up”, don’t know for sure.

But I do try my best in these introspection-related areas too, regardless. Going “baby steps” and (unstoppable) self improving small bits every day.

For example, I’ve recently learned about human attachment styles, linked to everyone’s early childhood years, and about the way they modify all adults’ lives.

Indeed, they seem to affect people so much, whether we’re aware of it or not, even if at first one would surely think otherwise: because how could an infant’s relationship with his or her mother be so important so many years later?

It was very interesting, for me at least, to match my own behavioral characteristics against the patterns found by psychologists in the scientific studies that I’ve read about, and to actually see that the way my childhood went still influences my life tremendously now, when I’m [almost] 45!

And now, after I’ve become aware of all the above, I can already try to overcome any of the current behavior that might have otherwise lead me into, maybe, unwanted situations, and I can become more confident and more balanced as an individual, too!

Moreover, this transformation overall feels really good and enjoyable as a process. Enjoyment which I really wish for anyone who would ever find themselves in my shoes to experience too!

“In the end there is nothing to find or be, but a process of finding and being.”
(I forgot where I’ve extracted this from, into my notes, some time ago.)

(“stolen” from C’s wall — really beautiful song, thank you; and also 10x for the most complete text review ever!)



Sorin Dolha

Developer • married, father×2 • Rust, Swift, WPF, Web • founder of DlhSoft • MacBook enthusiast • absurdism • EDM • writing from Cluj